Kim Jong Un, HHIC (Head Hipster in Charge)

Fox News – North Korea’s crackpot dictator Kim Jong-un has banned his people from using sarcasm in their everyday conversations in a fresh crackdown on criticism of his leadership. Mass meetings organized by government officials have been used to issue a chilling warning that ironic statements “will not be forgiven”. Oppressed and starving workers have been told satire directed towards the regime or indirect criticism hidden behind humor will be seen as “hostile actions”. Among the phrases outlawed by Kim are ‘This is all America’s fault’ – a jibe at the paranoid regime’s obsession with blaming the USA for its own failings.

Kim Jong Un banning sarcasm is the biggest news coming out of North Korea in awhile…

Ok well maybe second biggest piece of news but it’s a close second. Some in the media are saying this is another attempt by KJU to crack down on any internal opposition to his policies. Others are saying it’s just a way to make policy meetings significantly more confusing:

Anyone who’s been following Kim Jong Un for years knows that this move is not aimed at dissidents but is instead a strategic push to remain as the top hipster in North Korea. KJU has been a fan of the hipster movement ever since he started getting his haircut for $45 at a barbershop in Williamsburg that has a pool table in the back and offers you a PBR when you walk in.

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It’s not just the haircut either. Maintaining an army, navy, and air force comprised entirely of ships, planes, and tanks from the 1960s shows his dedication to maintain that vintage/rustic look for North Korea. He probably bought his fighter jets for a huge upmark at Urban Outfitters because they came with that distressed look that just screams #TBT.

Of all the things hipsters care about (overpriced coffee, obscure music, having an ethnic but not too ethnic friend, etc.), the number one thing they need to live is sarcasm and irony. To a hipster earnestly enjoying something is worse than the Zika virus, sarcasm is their number one tool to deal with genuine happiness in their lives. But if everyone is able to be sarcastic than there’s nothing unique about sarcasm, and thinking you’re unique is a critical part of hipster identity. If you’re some run of the mill political leader it’s just something you have to accept, but KJU rules with a doughy fist so if he wants he can just shoot an anti-aircraft gun at the first person who shares his sense of irony and that’ll nip it in the bud real quick.

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