Trump Campaign Warns America of Danger of Poisonous Skittles

BBC – Trying to suggest the US should not accept any refugees, Donald Trump Jr posted an image that asked: “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you, would you take a handful?” “That’s our Syrian refugee problem.” He added: “This image says it all. Let’s end the politically correct agenda that doesn’t put America first.” The food analogy has been used before to imply that, if a few people in a group are bad, it would be dangerous to take a single one in.


This is not the face of a heartless bigot. This is the face of daily recreational cocaine user but don’t worry it’s totally under control it’s not like I use it during work unless I’ve got a big project coming up. DJTJ was up burning the midnight oil, craving a sweet but fruity snack thinking “How can I warn my fellow Americans about the dangerous scourge of refugees that is about to take over this country and put a falafel truck on every corner?” He went with a harmless tweet, the preferred policy vehicle of the Trump administration, comparing Syrians fleeing a war zone to rainbow colored candies that have been poisoned for some unclear reason. Despite his yayo-fueled good intentions, Trump Jr.’s tweet has ignited a firestorm of controversy with claims that it dehumanizes refugees and also vastly overstates the issue of terrorism caused by refugees.


Were there not 11.8 billion skittles in the bowl he posted? Sorry that Donald Trump Jr. isn’t an expert at guessing how many jelly beans are in a jar. Also, most Americans were not aware of just how dangerous choking to death on food is, kudos to Trump Jr. for raising awareness by having every American who sees this statistic google the Heimlich maneuver. Trump Jr. wasn’t necessarily trying to solve the refugee crisis but simply wanted to start a national dialogue on the issue, much like Colin Kaepernick’s anti-troop national anthem protest. However, according to the liberal mainstream media Kaepernick is a national hero for starting a dialogue but Trump Jr. is a Nazi.

“Jew-Baiter Number One” is a very clunky job title. If Streicher was still around his LinkedIn profile would be a mess. Any similarities between Streicher and Trump Jr.’s analogies are probably incidental and just due to Trump’s long standing, totally academic fascination with Nazi Germany. Just last week he invoked gas chambers when talking about the media’s treatment of Republicans. If you have ever played Tetris for way too long and not been able to look at bathroom tiles without seeing patterns you can see how Trump Jr. could subconsciously slip in a couple Nazi references here and there.

The largest problem with Trump Jr.’s analogy is that Syrian refugees are not even remotely similar to Skittles. There are so many candies and snacks that would be a more fitting analogy. Syrian refugees are more like Kinder Surprises which may seem harmless but actually contain dangerous and nefarious surprises on the inside and are inexplicably banned in the United States. Or perhaps Trump Jr. would be correct in comparing the refugees to Necco wafers, which most people universally agree are terrible despite never having tried one before.

If we’re being honest Syrian migrants have already caused too many problems in this country. It was a Syrian migrant named Abdulfattah Jandali who fathered noted asshole Steve Jobs, ever heard of him? If it wasn’t for Syrian immigrants we would still be able to use the headphones we already own instead of buying overpriced mini butt plugs for our ears that we’re just going to lose anyway. Many Americans are afraid that terrorists will sneak in alongside the refugees and work to destroy America from within. What people may not realize is Syrians have been doing this for years ever since Paula Abdul attempted to take down American Idol from the inside.



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