The NFL has become a league plagued by crisis. Whether its CTE, domestic abuse, Super Bowl commercials with too many minorities, or Super Bowl commercials with no minorities, every week the league seems to find itself embroiled in a new controversy. The common denominator between all of these scandals has been Roger Goodell, who has inspired rabid hatred from an NFL fan base that is usually forgiving and well-reasoned. What the league needs is a fresh face, a new commissioner who is scandal free and can provide the league with a blank slate. What the league needs, is Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Since losing the 2016 Presidential Election, Clinton has taken a hint from J.J. Watt and has exiled herself to the Chappaqua Forest to prepare for her comeback to the public stage. A lifelong fan of whichever team is ranked #1 in preseason polling, Clinton has both the passion for the sport and the leadership experience necessary for the role. As a veteran of years of vicious political combat, she’ll have no problem going toe to toe with any players or owners. If she can take care of Vince Foster, then Reuben Foster will be no problem.
Its hard to imagine Clinton botching the league’s battle against the Patriots over Deflategate like Goodell did. Clinton is an experienced fighter who has no issues going to war despite an overwhelming lack of evidence. While she’s not afraid to go with her gut, she also knows how to use numbers to win. Hillary ran a successful data driven campaign that proved no matter what the facts on the ground are, you can always shift the numbers in your favor.
Current statistics show that a large percentage of NFL players have suffered from concussions or other head injures while playing football. But, if you expand the demographic base to not just players, but also league execs, owners, and fans, then only a minuscule percentage of the NFL has ever had any type of head injury. Just by having Robby Mook move some numbers around in an Excel spreadsheet Hillary can completely dismiss the CTE truthers who are trying to bring down the NFL.
A huge controversy is the NFL is the vagueness surrounding many of the game’s rules. The text defining what is or is not a catch is longer than the Obamacare law and just a little shorter than the Affordable Care Act. Referees aren’t U.S. Senators and can’t just make a judgment on a rule without bothering to look up what it is.These guys are spending too much time analyzing the rule book and not enough time perfecting their first down calls.
Luckily for the league, Hillary does not get hung up on technicalities and knows that the spirit of rule is what’s important. Yes, she technically was not elected President, but she got a whole bunch more votes than her opponent which is what really matters. Two feet inbound, one foot inbound, making a football move, all of that’s irrelevant. In Hillary’s NFL, if you make a good play on the ball, have the right ground game, and don’t make fun of John McCain being a POW, then that’s a catch.
Personally, the role of NFL commissioner is a better fit for Hillary than the Presidency ever would have been. There are no co-equal branches in the NFL, trying to investigate every single classified e-mail you fired off from your Jitterbug. The Commissioner of the NFL has unchecked powers that are above the law, a role much more fitting with Clinton’s leadership style than the Presidency. While the travel schedule of the NFL commissioner can be taxing on Clinton who is almost on the wrong side of 70, Roger Goodell’s refusal to visit the Patriots at Foxboro shows the NFL commissioner has broad powers to amend their schedule as they please. Hillary can rule the NFL with an iron fist and she’ll never have to visit Wisconsin.